I remember once in a seminar the leader said these words to the group. She told us everything we were about to hear over the weekend was not true.

Most of us didn’t take this information in.

I heard it, didn’t understand what she was talking about, and promptly ignored it.

I’ve been a personal growth junkie for 25 years give-or-take. The first book I read on the topic was One, by Richard Bach, the same author who wrote Jonathan Livingston Seagull. The latter book didn’t do much for me. But, One, oh it was a life changer. It opened my eyes and my mind. With this book, I began to let go of the beliefs learned in childhood that didn’t serve me. New possibilities opened up and I began searching for more.

I began questioning almost everything.

Questioning was fun. It was enlightening. I met new friends who were on the same path and I really liked these people. They led me to other new areas of thought to explore and opened me up to more questioning.

As it happens, I believed what I was learning was “the truth”. I had given up many of the truths of my childhood, for new truths that felt better.

I still use quite a lot of what I learned over the years and I’m still learning.

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Yesterday, I met a friend of mine for lunch. She’s dabbled in some of the same personal growth that I have. At one point in the conversation when explaining some emotional pain I’d been enduring, I told her that I was “just in my story”. I explained that the pain I was feeling was in a big way, self-inflicted.

My friend stopped me. She said, ‘I realized that when I tell myself I’m “just in my story”, that I’m not being kind to myself. I don’t use that terminology with myself anymore.’

I was floored. This revelation freed me a little bit. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about what she said.

Let me skip to the point: Personal growth info, just like anything, can become a weapon. We can use knowledge that initially sets us free to “beat” ourselves emotionally at some later date.

This is exactly what I’ve been doing for a about 2 weeks. Master Coach training is in full swing. I am knocked off my center with all the new information. There is a LOT coming at me, very fast. Since I’ve done so much work on myself, I began using the tools and knowledge I’ve accumulated to “should” myself into painful submission.

I should be able to handle this.
I shouldn’t make this so hard.
I should be as open and willing as the other coaches.
I should have known I would feel overwhelmed.
I shouldn’t have signed up for this in the first place.

And a whole bunch more where that came from.

One of the things I may not have learned much about in all my years of study is how to be kind to myself. I’m a little bit kinder than when I started, but not much. Watching myself thrash and flail with this class has been beyond painful. While I have been in the pain, I have been watching myself in pain. Double whammy. I’m still in the middle of it. This post is a little breather for me.

YOUR truth feels good. It’s not a weapon to be used against yourself or others.

That seminar leader was trying to tell us that the information she was going to share with us felt good to her. It was HER truth. If, after the weekend, it didn’t feel like MY truth, I could let it go.

It would have been nice if she had just stated it that clearly. It’s taken me almost 25 years to figure it out on my own.

Stay tuned. I’ll let you know about my progress with being kinder to myself and if I survive Master Coach training. Please share in the comments if you can relate to this post. I know I’m not alone!

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