I muttered something in frustration and it was much louder than I had intended. I immediately felt guilty. How could I be so selfish to want a break? He stood there in his crib watching me while holding himself up against the rail. He didn’t cry. (He rarely ever cried.) He wasn’t agitated in any way. He just gazed at me.
I looked into my son’s eyes and in that moment I realized that he knew everything. I mean everything. It startled me, it was really weird and I was oh so humbled.
This little guy had a very old soul.
I walked around in a daze for a few days. I told my husband and he wholeheartedly agreed. Then, I freaked out and had thoughts like this, “I’m not good enough to be his mom.” ”I’ve got to catch up!”
I believed that somehow I’d gotten the wrong kid. How could he have chosen to be raised by me? I understood why he would want to be raised by my Buddha-like husband, but not me.
We grow into ourselves as parents.
Over the years, I’ve let those negative thoughts about being his mama go. I stepped up to the plate and took on the belief that I am the perfect mom for him. I’ve had to let go of the negative beliefs and claim that all is well repeatedly. It’s part of the job.
The hardest times are when there’s some sort of trial or growing pain for one or both of us.
I just had one of those trials yesterday. I believed for a minute that I was losing him and that I might not survive his teen years. In addition, I had created the circumstance that created the upset. This made it much worse. I slept on it and we talked about it this morning. We both learned from it and gave each other a hug, a kiss and said “I love you”.
I believe I won the lottery with this kid. But, more importantly I believe I’m the perfect mom to raise him. I’ve had lots of help along the way, but that belief is what makes me a great mom.
What’s your belief about being a parent to your kids? I’d love to hear from you in the comments.
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