When I was 37, I had my son.
Having him was a difficult process. Infertility, many miscarriages, a broken pinky toe with giant swollen foot and complications. I felt lots of sadness, loneliness and feelings of inadequacy…until he was born.
I got an angel. A healthy baby boy. Joy.
After he was born, we tried to have another child.
Same story as the first.
More sadness. I started feeling like a giant loser.
Why me? What was I doing wrong? What I had done wrong in my past to create this?
Have you ever asked yourself a question like this?
What did I do wrong in the past that brought me this punishment today?
When you ask yourself this kind of question, you get a whole lot of crappy answers. When you ask yourself any question in your mind or out loud, your brain answers it whether you realize it or not. The answers to crappy questions, get you crappy thoughts and feelings.
You are asking yourself questions every day.
Here are some examples of what you might be asking yourself (or may have asked in the past).
Why is having a baby so difficult for me?
Why can’t I lose weight?
What is my problem?
Why didn’t I do better with ______?
When will my life be better?
Why doesn’t my kid behave?
What questions are you asking yourself?
I encourage you to take a minute and notice. Write down your questions. If they are anything like what I’ve listed above, change your questions.
How will know if the questions you’ve listed are not powerful? Intentionally answer them and then check in with your body to see how you feel.
If the answers to your questions make you feel awful, then you are asking the wrong question.
When you ask yourself a powerful, positive question like, “How can I make losing weight fun?”, your answer comes as a thought that feels good. We are mostly not aware of the answers, but when you are intentionally asking great questions:
Your brain is busy helping you create powerful answers.
These powerful answers that your brain creates, help you get a life full of amazing results.
Below are more of the crappy question examples from above + ideas for how to turn them into more powerful questions.
Crappy Question: Why is having a baby so difficult for me?
New & Improved: What am I learning about myself in this baby making process?
Crappy Question: What is my problem?
New & Improved: What is great about me?
Crappy Question: Why didn’t I do better with ______?
New & Improved: How can I improve in this area?
Crappy Question: When will my life be better?
New & Improved: What is perfect about my life today?
Crappy Question: Why doesn’t my kid behave?
New & Improved: How can I support my kid’s strengths?
Start your day by asking yourself a better question and you will be amazed at the life you create and how easy it starts to feel. Here’s an new idea for that first question:
Crappy Question: What did I do wrong in the past that brought me this punishment today?
New & Improved: How is my current circumstance a gift to me and others?
Tell me your powerful questions in the comments: please and thank you!
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Katie~
You hit the nail on the head with this post! We often ask ourselves the wrong questions and then how could we possibly come up with a great answer?? I really appreciate how you changed the wording. It feels different and we will definitely get different answers!
Thank you for your beautiful insight!
stacey
So glad the new options for questions was helpful Stacey. I bet you ask great questions all the time.
Very well-written. I absolutely need to start rephrasing my questions. I feel like I often rephrase my answers, but not the questions. I like this perspective…it feels very powerful for me.
So glad Nicole. Our brain gets to work for us when we start with better questions. Such a cool thing to know and use for our benefit. Thanks for your comment!
Yes, so much more is possible when we start with great feeling questions. Thanks for reading Nicole!
You are so welcome Stacey! It does feel better when you ask a better question – fascinating right? The trick is to catch yourself, but all that is is awareness and definitely something we can all improve for ourselves.
Love this, Katie!
XO-
Leah
Thanks Leah, thank you for reading!
This is one of my very favorite practices. To select a question to ask myself.
Right now my 3 primary questions:
How can I love bigger?
How can I take coaching to the streets?
How can strategizing be more fun?
Sarah- These are fabulous questions! I especially love, How can I love bigger? So good. Thanks for your comments! xo
Wow, this is so timely, I caught myself asking a crappy question just this morning! It’s amazing how much MORE compassion I would have for someone–anyone but me–in my same situation. I love the way you reframe; I need to remember to coach myself through with questions like those!
Yay, so glad this is helpful!
“If the answers to your questions make you feel awful, then you are asking the wrong question.” Love, love, love! You’re right. Crappy questions give crappy answers. Crappy answers don’t lead you anywhere except into a self-pity party. Ask better questions – get better results. It really is that simple!
Thanks for your comment Beatriz. I love simplicity!
Love this Katie:
Crappy Question: Why is having a baby so difficult for me?
New & Improved: What am I learning about myself in this baby making process?
Obviously applies to me, and my question for a while was, “Why don’t I deserve to be a mom?” I have stopped asking that crappy question, because I DO deserve to be a mom. Of course. And I’ve started answering why I deserve to be a mom instead.
xo
Dana- My guess is that your new & improved question has been hovering underneath because I’ve had the pleasure to read so much of what you have been learning in this process. I’m glad you uncovered it — I bet it feels better! xo
[...] haven’t been asking very good questions of myself lately. This was the worst [...]
[...] haven’t been asking very good questions of myself lately. This was the worst [...]