Recently, a mom I’ve worked with wrote me to ask how she can get her daughter to do the work needed before performing. Her daughter is a musician and loves music, but she doesn’t learn the songs or practice before performances. I shared my thoughts and a personal story on Periscope.
Watch it below: (keep an eye out for a visit from my dog, Maya!). Then keep reading for more help with expectations.
Thoughts on Kids Anxious about Performing:
If your kids aren’t doing the necessary tasks before an upcoming performance, consider whether or not this is something they actually want to do or are self-motivated in some way to do. Is the upcoming performance, (or game in the case of sports) something that they are interested in doing? Is this a true desire of theirs? Perhaps they are doing this thing because you want them to? The idea is to get very clear with who has the interest here.
If your child is truly interested or really does want to do this thing even if they are only doing it because it’s part of what needs doing in their mind. (In the case of my son, he didn’t necessarily have an interest in public speaking, but he knew this was what his classmates were going to do and that was enough motivation for him to want to be confident when he did his graduation speech.), let’s talk about some ideas for supporting them.
- Talk to your child, calmly and during a time when they are ready to discuss the topic.
- If your child is afraid or has some fear about the performance, introduce him/her to their Thought Monster. Show your child how to calm their Thought Monster with kindness.
- Does your child need support in organizing themselves to do the practice?
- Does your child need a tutor or coach to support them with this task?
- Is your child willing to brainstorm with you and hear your ideas of ways to support them?
Spend some time listening to your child’s needs. There may be a feeling that your child isn’t processing or allowing themselves to feel all the way through. Work through these steps to help your child process their feelings on this issue and others.